Thursday, April 22, 2010

"But I know if I die, I will be with Jesus," Garrison said.

There is nothing like the peace of God.  NOTHING!

The world doesn't give it, so the world can't take it away from you.  
It's amazing.  It's hard to describe and even harder to believe when you have never experienced it!  I am so very thankful that I can rest in my Lord.

Tonight I write to you from a hospital room.  My oldest son was admitted after a very eventful evening last night.  He got a headache and then tingling and numbness that radiated over his body.  His speech was slurred at times.  He was confused.
This happened in 2005.  The CT scan revealed nothing abnormal.  The diagnosis was migraines.  This happened in February of this year as well.  My husband took him to urgent care and told nothing was wrong.  Our family doc was furious about this the next day and was concerned.

Since Garrison had already had one CT, our doc was not wanting to jump the gun and give him another due to the high levels of radiation.  He asked me, as the Mom, if I was worried.  I said no.  So he said he would not order an MRI at that time if I would promise him to give Garrison a baby aspirin and take him immediately to the ER if it happened again.  I gave my word.
So last night, when it did happen again, we went to the children's hospital.  I was definitely concerned when my son was saying his name and sounded like a stroke victim...and when the doctor was telling him to point to his nose and he was pointing to his belly!

BUT...I still had God's peace flooding through me that He was in control and NOT at all surprised by our situation.  We had favor with the staff.  Garrison was well cared for.  In the midst of chaos, there was peace.  And, even Garrison had peace.  He was praying over himself.
He knows enough to know that even though Mom would move heaven and earth if possible, only God can really and truly move his mountains.  And even if God doesn't move them, Garrison believes with all his heart that God will show him how to climb them!

Do you know how it thrills my heart to see my boy call upon the ONLY ONE who can save him and deliver him and guide him?  At one point, he looked at me and said, "I'm not ready to go yet."  I didn't really know what he meant, so I said, "What do you mean son?"  He said, "I don't believe I have fulfilled God's plan for my life yet, but I know if I die, I will be with Jesus."
No, I don't want his time with me to be over yet.  But, wow...if I never ever teach him anything else, he knows what he needs to know.  He is assured.  He is set firm.  And even in the midst of a scary situation, Garrison knew he could trust His Master...even unto death.

When Garrison was three years old, I pulled him out of my parent's pool unconscious.  It was a HORRIBLE experience that took me years to stop dreaming about.  I tangibly felt the presence of the Holy Spirit right with us that day.  I KNEW He was there.  And why wouldn't He be?  I had called out His name the second I realized my son was submerged under water.
When I pulled him out, his eyes were rolled back in his head and they were purged with water.  He was so incredibly heavy and it took all the human strength I had to propel him upon the deck.  I will never forget how he looked.  My baby, lying there lifeless.

But, I wasn't ready to give him up, and I prayed over him continually...as the water came out of his mouth...as he came back around...as I held him and rocked him until EMS arrived...as we rode to the hospital in the ambulance wondering if my negligence had left my son mentally retarded...as he finally spoke his first word to a nurse at the hospital...and as he looked at me later that night and said, "Momma, I saw Jesus under there."

When Garrison was two weeks old, he was diagnosed with congenital hypothyroidism.  He was immediately put on synthetic thyroid hormone.  At his endocrinology check-up, when he was 28 months old and we were getting ready to move from WA to SC, the specialist told us that their initial expectation for Garrison was that he would have severe learning disabilities.  They didn't want to tell us that then and cause us to expect the worst.  This particular doctor had the wisdom to keep his mouth shut and let the parent's have hope.  They were astounded to tell us that he was well above his age level...in fact, years ahead in all skill areas!

Don't tell me God doesn't still heal and work miracles.  Don't tell me God isn't real and doesn't show up when we call upon Him.

Does He always do it the way we want, when we want?  No.  

Does that make me sad?  Sometimes.

Since I walked in this hospital, my thoughts have been permeated with my friend Julie.  God was with her as her little boy battled cancer.  She heard her baby cry out to God for his healing and believe it would happen.  He had the faith Garrison does.  

Why has my son made it through all these things and Brendon is with Jesus?  I don't have any idea.  

But I know, that I know, that I know, that Julie and I trust God's plan no matter how much it hurts.  We have His peace in the storms. 

I think of Julie so often during my days...as she is a homeschooling momma too and we both have three boys.  I cannot fathom one of them missing from my home.  I will never forget walking back into my house after the near-drowning and looking around thinking, "Everything in here is him.  How do parents go on living without them?"

As I walk these halls, I fight constant tears for the families here and for Julie who is still trying to walk her path.  I ached with a lump in my throat as I walked past all kinds of strangers holding their children.  They all have a story...one that God knows intimately.  I wondered how many of them know Him as the Prince of Peace.  How do you get through these trials without Him as your Hope? 
I don't know at all why things go the way they go, but I am so, so thankful that I know the Lord personally...that I can be sure that He will never leave me or forsake me...that even though circumstances look so scary, my God reigns and He holds me still.

2 comments:

Katie Ashcraft said...

wow... I'm fighting back tears reading that. I had a difficult situation arise tonight, but nothing that comes close to dealing with an illness of a child... really puts it into perspective! and no matter what God holds it all in His hands... for our good. Thank you Lord for Your indescribable overwhelming all comsuming peace in the midst of any storm... if we just look to YOU! thanks for the post! Katie

ParadiceMom said...

Thank goodness Garrison is feeling better, based on his happy face during the science experiment. I will be praying that you receive answers soon as to why this is happening.