Sunday, April 18, 2010

I Did This...

We took time out to try to have a family day Saturday.  We TRIED to drop the "To-Do" list and enjoy Thunder over Louisville.  This is the huge event that kicks off the Kentucky Derby festivities.  

I love going to this kind of stuff.  Tom does not!  BUT, we work together to overcome these differences.

I am going to get real transparent here!  

I expected that Tom may get a little grumpy...and even that I would have the bulk of the responsibility with the children (which we took extra of...nieces and nephews).  That was fine.  I was just happy he was willing to take us!

We were supposed to be going with another family.  The dad and oldest son went, but the mom who is pregnant just wasn't up to all the walking.  So...I knew I wouldn't have another older female to hang with until my Mom arrived, but I was prepared for that too.

What I was not prepared for was what actually transpired between my husband and me!  I know some people air too much of their business and some people try to hide everything.  I want to be balanced!  

I will not pretend we aren't human!  I will not pretend everything is always peachy!  I also will not trash my husband.  I will be real (even if it humiliates me).

The poor guy who went with us asked me if I was okay.  I did the best to answer, but no, I wasn't okay.  No, he couldn't do anything (but wasn't he so sweet to care!).  I couldn't say anything until I had time to talk to my husband and we were NOT in a place to do that!

Yes, I was VERY frustrated!  I had all kinds of things flopping through my mind!  And...you can bet he was gonna hear about it later!

Well, by the time we got home I had run through the gamete of emotions and was exhausted!  My head was throbbing.  I just needed sleep!  I knew everything would look better in the morning.

And it did.  BUT, it still had not been talked about.  So off we go to church, and I did get myself right before the Lord.  As we were singing in praise and greeting one another, my Pastor even asked me to go up on stage and be in the "choir!"  (We don't have a choir...and if we did, I WOULD NOT be a good candidate for it, but he said, "Trust me!"  And...well, I do trust him, so I moseyed on up there.)  

THEN...as I am up there (with some other suspicious folks who were "trusting" Pastor Gregg), I realized that not only had I let the sun go down on my anger, but in ALL that time of "thinking" yesterday, I had not EVER stopped to pray for my husband or myself!

Do you ever have those moments???  Do you ever have those times when you look back and just wanna kick yourself in the pants for not doing what a MATURE Christian should do?!!!

Sheeezzzz!  Am I ever gonna grow up?  Just when you think you've started making some progress in your walk, BAM...you get reminded that you are still 5,000 miles short of the mark!

Where would I be without the saving mercy of Jesus Christ?

Well, Tom and I talked it all out this afternoon.  It's fine.  We both learned.  We will both do better next time.  We will both ask the Lord to guide us and help us.  As with most issues, it was misunderstandings and lack of communication.

The reason I am sharing all this is because when I really came face-to-face with the fact that I thought God wanted me to get more personal on this blog, I didn't want to do it.  AND do you know why?  Because I KNEW...I JUST KNEW when I did, the attacks would come...the falls would happen...and I knew that I would have to humble myself in front of everyone to be obedient to my Father.  AND THAT IS NOT FUN TO ME!

But...it's okay.  I'm gonna get back up, dust myself off, and keep walkin'.  Like I said, we don't have it all right, but we have more right than we do wrong nowadays, so at least I can share what has helped our family.

Thank GOD for the supernatural impartation of agape love.  I will remain in Him, for I can do NOTHING apart from Him!

I will tell you more tomorrow.  My boys are waiting for me to read to them.

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