Friday, July 2, 2010

Proceed with Caution! (Was I supposed to capitalize the w in with?)

Yes, that IS how my mind works...I LOVE proper grammar!  In the past, I would not have even been able to proceed without figuring out if the "w" did indeed need to be big!  See my growth!!!  See how I am letting loose and releasing control!

Okay, now on to what this post is REALLY about!  (or does it go right along with it?)

I want you to read this slowly.

I want you to stop and think and feel your reaction to the word I am going to type.  I want you to remember it and then post back to me and tell me all you experienced!  PLEASE!!!  I just really wanna know if you are full of warm fuzzies or if there is an inward groaning!

Okay, it is:


The very word evokes so many different things doesn't it?

I watched a movie last night that got my mind exploring what motherhood means to me.  (It's not a great movie and some I know wouldn't even be able to deal with it and receive it's message, lest it would make them feel so unholy to have even heard some of the TRUTHS mentioned in it!)

But, I realized at the mere mention of the word motherhood, I kind-of groan inside like this, "Eeeehhhhh..."

So, of course, I had to ask myself why!  


Why in the world would I do that when I LOVE being a mom so much??? !!! I secretly loathe my life?!

Truly, though, immediately following that groaning sound, I have a flood of wonderful thoughts and memories rush through my mind that makes me smile SO big!  Really, I do...because I experienced it several times last night!

Alas, I realize that the reason is not because I subconsciously hate it all (shew!)'s really because it's just plain exhausting people! 

C' know it...we all know it.  Even the men...who pretend not to know how to do it even half as good as we do it...even they know it's exhausting!

I admit, I was relieved to figure out I wasn't groaning inside because I don't enjoy it, but merely because it zaps me...nearly everyday of my existence!  But, I can say with total honesty that there is NOTHING I would rather be doing in life.

Motherhood brings joy like nothing else...and also sorrow, frustration, humility, encompasses so much and that is why it leaves us groaning!

Sometimes I am convinced that it was all part of God's plan to refine our character!  I bet He gets some good laughs out of watching us maneuver it too.

But just think of all that Motherhood entails!   Good heavens!!!

Here are a few of my mind's pictures of motherhood...

my pregnant belly
the flicker of his little heart on the ultrasound screen
his baby fingers and toes
watching him nurse
the screaming I can't stop
the sleep deprivation
walking the floor all night
fevers I can't make go away
fear as he climbs the ladder to slide
ink pen circles drawn all over my walls...and my new leather sofa
mountains of chocolate milk powder all over my kitchen
his head dripping wet because he dunked his OWN head in the toilet...THREE times in one day!
pulling him out of the pool lifeless
the military belly crawl
chubby thighs I can't stop squishing
the birthday party when the firetruck came
5 years old, dressed in a cap and gown!
searching frantically for him at the new house, only to find him "driving" the moving truck
coming home to see two of them riding two-wheelers without training wheels
singing a solo at the camp talent show
listening to the social worker teach me about child-proofing my home after they removed the safety pin from the bronchial of my THIRD child (who was being watched by his daddy)!
seeing them get baptized together
watching him raise his hands in praise and surrender to the Lord
listening to him talk in the microphone at camp in front of all his peers declaring he wants NOTHING but Jesus
learning he gave his most prized possession to a poor boy in Honduras
hearing that he gave words of knowledge to four of his friends
hearing his giggle that hasn't changed since toddlerhood
seeing them lay stones with their daddy
seeing him in the arms of his daddy who is dressed in military gear and crying as he says good-bye again
feeling helpless and understanding AGAIN that I have no control, as he lays in the hospital bed with symptoms of a stroke at 12 years old
gasping for breath as I turn in every direction to find him in the store
seeing his face when he gets just what he has been asking for
peeking in on him as he sleeps
covering his face with kisses and promising to never stop no matter how big he gets

These are just a FEW of the MANY, MANY moments motherhood has been for me. 


What about you???


Mindy said...

(Posting this for my mom who doesn't have a google account.)

Hello to my Sunshine,
I tried to put this on your blog and couldn't so here it is in an email.
I would say the things you wrote sums it up a lot. But what about a girl who slides down volcano ashes? one who falls out of her crib,the other getting his head stuck in it, watching her hide behind us because she was shy,
riding her bike at 4yrs old, walking across the parking lot on crutches and her shirt crawls up! Graduations, a Wedding, Leaving home, going all the way across the US to Washington State,going through her first child birth without her MOM, parents sorrow of missing her first baby being born,
thanking God we were there for her other 2 sons births, Brothers who loved her so much they threw names in a hat to choose a name, a brother who charged admission for friends to see her,brothers who watched her at the pool because they didn't trust anyone else, Waiting 9 months to realize we finally have daughter, seeing her legs in cast at birth, both brothers helping to take care of her, one brother with cast on his legs @ birth, one son diapering another son@ age of 6, one who thought he could swim and jumped out of boat into Ohio river, first day of school for each child, riding school bus for first time for all of them, emergency room and doctors, stitches, sitting in hot sun at Baseball games,Cheerleading,driving lessons, Mom goes to College, Latch key kid @15, holding up a son so he could breathe, knowing you needed sleep but your child was more important. Praying for God heal your children...

Yes, there are many reasons to be thankful for being a Mom and they all come down to this : LOVE from our Heavenly Father who entrusted those precious gifts to us moms and we prayed to get through the trying times, prayed we did things right, because all we had to go on was what our MOM's taught us and their Mom's taught them.

Thank God for those precious gifts of your children. Oh yes, there are times you would like to give them back, but in those quiet moments as they sleep you realize why you hold them so close to your heart.

To my children/grandchildren, I love you and I pray I have blessed your life as much as you have blessed mine.

Ok, so here it is. I pray you are blessed by some of my memories and I thank you for being the daughter you are and for loving your parents even though we fail many times.Thank goodness God forgives us and He is there to hold our hand.
God Bless you always
Love your Mom & Dad

Katie Ashcraft said...

I don't know how I can write all that comes to mind in just a "comment"... but first words....

Wonderfully Indescribable!!!

(these are in no particular order) Finding out I'm pregnant at 16-scared and clueless... Hearing the heartbeat for the first time... feeling the kicks... seeing her eyes look into mine the first time... hearing at 18 months that my son is autistic... my son saying "good boy mommy good boy" when I did something he thought was good... seeing my daughters God-given artistic ability flow thru her hands onto paper... seeing in my childrens actions how they are so caring and sensitive to other peoples feelings regardless of their background- I'm still learning from them on how to NOT be judgemental- even in my thoughts...hearing my kids hanging out in their rooms laughing together, hoping they'll always have this closeness as adults... signing up my 16 year old son for college classes- remembering the doctor saying at 18 months old that he'll never catch up to his piers... my son quoting scripture to me when he thinks I might be doing something wrong, not to be condisending, he's just looking out for me... coming out of the shower and my heart stopping, realizing my 3 year old opened the front door for my one year old who toddled out the door of a 3rd floor apt building... watching my daughter behind the wheel for the first time... watching her walk down the graduation isle- thought I would cry but I was just in shock that it was really happeneing... so many millions of wonderfully amazing, heart stopping, joy filled memories of being a mom, and I wouldn't change any of it.

And it is definitely exhausting!!

Mindy said...

Thanks for sharing your momma memories ladies!!!