Yes, that IS how my mind works...I LOVE proper grammar! In the past, I would not have even been able to proceed without figuring out if the "w" did indeed need to be big! See my growth!!! See how I am letting loose and releasing control!
Okay, now on to what this post is REALLY about! (or does it go right along with it?)
I want you to read this slowly.
I want you to stop and think and feel your reaction to the word I am going to type. I want you to remember it and then post back to me and tell me all you experienced! PLEASE!!! I just really wanna know if you are full of warm fuzzies or if there is an inward groaning!
Okay, ready...here it is:
The very word evokes so many different things doesn't it?
I watched a movie last night that got my mind exploring what motherhood means to me. (It's not a great movie and some I know wouldn't even be able to deal with it and receive it's message, lest it would make them feel so unholy to have even heard some of the TRUTHS mentioned in it!)
But, I realized at the mere mention of the word motherhood, I kind-of groan inside like this, "Eeeehhhhh..."
So, of course, I had to ask myself why!
Why in the world would I do that when I LOVE being a mom so much??? !!!
Yikes...do I secretly loathe my life?!
Truly, though, immediately following that groaning sound, I have a flood of wonderful thoughts and memories rush through my mind that makes me smile SO big! Really, I do...because I experienced it several times last night!
Alas, I realize that the reason is not because I subconsciously hate it all (shew!)...it's really because it's just plain exhausting people!
C'mon...you know it...we all know it. Even the men...who pretend not to know how to do it even half as good as we do it...even they know it's exhausting!
I admit, I was relieved to figure out I wasn't groaning inside because I don't enjoy it, but merely because it zaps me...nearly everyday of my existence! But, I can say with total honesty that there is NOTHING I would rather be doing in life.
Motherhood brings joy like nothing else...and also sorrow, frustration, humility, etc...it encompasses so much and that is why it leaves us groaning!
Sometimes I am convinced that it was all part of God's plan to refine our character! I bet He gets some good laughs out of watching us maneuver it too.
But just think of all that Motherhood entails! Good heavens!!!
Here are a few of my mind's pictures of motherhood...
my pregnant belly
the flicker of his little heart on the ultrasound screen
his baby fingers and toes
watching him nurse
the screaming I can't stop
the sleep deprivation
walking the floor all night
fevers I can't make go away
fear as he climbs the ladder to slide
ink pen circles drawn all over my walls...and my new leather sofa
mountains of chocolate milk powder all over my kitchen
his head dripping wet because he dunked his OWN head in the toilet...THREE times in one day!
pulling him out of the pool lifeless
the military belly crawl
chubby thighs I can't stop squishing
the birthday party when the firetruck came
5 years old, dressed in a cap and gown!
searching frantically for him at the new house, only to find him "driving" the moving truck
coming home to see two of them riding two-wheelers without training wheels
singing a solo at the camp talent show
listening to the social worker teach me about child-proofing my home after they removed the safety pin from the bronchial of my THIRD child (who was being watched by his daddy)!
seeing them get baptized together
watching him raise his hands in praise and surrender to the Lord
listening to him talk in the microphone at camp in front of all his peers declaring he wants NOTHING but Jesus
learning he gave his most prized possession to a poor boy in Honduras
hearing that he gave words of knowledge to four of his friends
hearing his giggle that hasn't changed since toddlerhood
seeing them lay stones with their daddy
seeing him in the arms of his daddy who is dressed in military gear and crying as he says good-bye again
feeling helpless and understanding AGAIN that I have no control, as he lays in the hospital bed with symptoms of a stroke at 12 years old
gasping for breath as I turn in every direction to find him in the store
seeing his face when he gets just what he has been asking for
peeking in on him as he sleeps
covering his face with kisses and promising to never stop no matter how big he gets
These are just a FEW of the MANY, MANY moments motherhood has been for me.
EXHAUSTING, YES... BUT TREASURED FOREVER IN MY HEART and TRADED FOR NOTHING!!!
What about you???