I'm sitting in a quiet house, trying to rest after a night of stomach sickness! Yuck!
Boys are at Didi's house and hubby is off working hard for us.
I have been thinking a lot lately on just how amazingly blessed I am. I mean...I have this life where, despite trials along the way, I am living in peace and joy I cannot describe to someone who has not experienced it.
It makes me feel sad for others. I see things going on in people's lives around me and I think, "It just doesn't have to be that way!"
I don't mean that I know how to make everything cushy or perfect. Junk still happens to all of us. We do live in a fallen world. BUT, there is a way to get to a place where even if all hell is breaking lose around you, you can have peace!
I just have such a drive to help people. Sometimes I am so consumed with compassion for people's situations I feel it to the depth of my being!
Sometimes I go through these seasons of feeling like I may just explode one moment or weep the next! This is one of those seasons.
I have all this stuff in me that I want to share...ideas, knowledge, wisdom, insights, art. And I have so much I want to learn...Spanish, composers, spiritual principles, etc...
I hate the rat race. I hate the need of going through the motions of daily life with the dream of "one day I will..." Not that I hate the dreams. I just hate what feels like wasted time.
I used to wish my life away. I couldn't wait til this or that...til Friday or Saturday or June or til Tom got back from sea...
I thought, "What the heck am I doing?" So I made it a point to enjoy each day. And I do! I really have made that a practice in my life.
BUT, like this season we have been in...I had to find a way to bring in some income because Tom is getting no overtime. So, I prayed and God opened a door for me to babysit. She was a sweet lil baby girl, but due to her other weekly circumstances, she liked being held and entertained all the time. I could NOT keep doing that AND homeschool.
Just as I thought I couldn't take anymore, God opened the door for her to go somewhere else and me to watch these other little (but older) girls through the summer.
It's going pretty good. They are pretty sweet and they can go places easily with us. We go to the pool and it's fun.
BUT, yet again, it consumes my time. I don't have time to spend with MY boys because I am meeting the needs of the girls...that IS what I am getting paid for!
In mid-August the girls will return to school and then what? I am MAKING my flesh not worry about this. I am totally standing and believing that God has something else planned out. I just so dream of something that my family could do together that would bring in income.
We have no release from God to stop homeschooling at this point. We have prayed much about that. We only keep getting more confirmations that this is God's plan for us.
I'm not trying to be lazy. I just wish there was some way to make enough and still be able to focus on being mom and teacher first and foremost. I wish that for all mommies everywhere. And I know my situation is not as hard as many others.
I don't know. Any thoughts???