A lovely Saturday morning...
It had to be done.
I could put it off NO longer, even though I really, REALLY wanted to just go find a pool!
Yes, it was time to rally the troops and do the dreaded "Go Through Your Clothes And See What Still Fits" chore.
You moms understand the time and patience involved in this don't you? You understand my dread right? Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks they might be committed at the end of this duty!
I couldn't keep putting it off because we are due to leave for vacation at week's end, and I have to know who needs what! So...alas...I jump into the madness.
And I know it's gonna be madness because I have done this for too many years people! I know what lies ahead!
(And before I get any "hate mail" that I should just be thankful for the abundance of clothes we have, please know I FULLY realize that fact, but it doesn't make the job any less crazy!) (Now, let's all smile and just enjoy the story.)
I should have video taped it.
Seriously, we may have been an overnight You Tube sensation with the comedy that occurred.
Here they come. All three of them. Hauling their mounds into the living room.
They take their corners.
Instruction is given.
Weird son #1...who in the past has always been obedient and ultra-serious...is these days goofy and trying to find his sense of humor...which frankly...I'm just gonna say it...drives his momma a lil bonkers some days.
From his poor voice that sounds like a seal that needs put out of its misery to his mile-long extremities that seem to flail in all directions...he's just awkward right now.
It's all very...well...weird to watch this puberty process (which his little "bothers"-as he calls them- have named Pubetor) (Do they realize they are headed to the same destination? I do not think so!)
Okay, I instruct..."Weird Son," (and do not fret that I am messing up his psyche by calling him weird because he LIKES it...he likes that we think he is strange now!)..."Darling, try on all your clothes, and if they do not fit, please throw over to the pile of I'm Too Cool For Anyone/Anythang Right Now Son #2. Thank you Dear!"
"Son #2 (Too Cool)...please try on all of your clothing and whatever does not fit you, toss over to I Cannot Seem To Stay Focused For More Than 30.2 Seconds Son #3 (Space Cadet). Thank you Precious!"
"Alrighty...Space Cadet, Honey....Sugar Bear, over here, look at Momma's eyes...okay Baby...please try on all of your...uh you hoooo...over here Buddy...that's right look at Momma...please try on all of your clothing and place whatever is too little or you do not like into the Give To Cousins heap. Okay? Thank you! Trey? Trey. TREY!!! TREY DID YOU HEAR ME!!! Oh yes, okay, Little Guy...there you are! Stay with me now Sweet Cheeks! Let's focus okay?" (Adorable crooked-toothed smile, followed by, "Yes, Ma'am!" Oh it's a good thing you're cute Space Cadet!)
(You also have to imagine the voice I am talking in during this. We call it Mom's Happy Voice! It's a high-yes higher than my normal one-pitched voice that I use to help me talk really nice when I really wanna yell. It annoys all of us, but it keeps me from being a raving lunatic and well, it adds some comic relief to otherwise horrible moments!)
Oh, my friends...the frenzy that ensued next I can't even find enough adjectives to describe! Seriously wish I would have rolled video...especially as dear I Can Block All This Out Like It's Nothing Dad sat at the table eating, working/playing on his phone and computer, and yes...even laughing!
Clothes are flying. Boys are laughing, modeling, dancing half-naked, whining, wrestling, laying down, juggling...IT WAS INSANITY!
Momma is raising her voice, commanding, pleading, promising, trying not to laugh, then doubled over laughing, frustrated, giddy, offering dollars to whomever finishes their piles first! (Yes I did! Don't judge me!)
Dad is laughing!
Too Cool wants to know (accusingly) why the inside of his aqua blue shirt is purple-y. I don't know! HE is in charge of laundry! "Too Cool, did you wash your shirt with something purple or red?" "No? Hmm..."
Oh yes...then it hits me!
"Ummm...Too Cool...could it possibly be your belly art?" (referring to the GIANT face drawn with black and red Sharpie's around Too Cool's belly button...which he colored in black!)
Dad looks up and says, "His what?" "Oh Dad, thanks for popping into reality out of your technological coma to visit us in Crazyville! How nice of you to join us."
"Yes, dear...Too Cool's belly art...named Brad. See? Honey? You hoooooo! Babe?" Oh, gone. Back to Cyberspace. (Anyone putting 2 and 2 together here and seeing where Space Cadet might get his focusing skills?)
Space Cadet has for months been complaining of frustration trying to keep his closet and drawers straightened. Turns out that all this time, if Too Cool didn't like any article of clothing, he would stuff it into Space Cadet's closet...even if it still fit him or didn't fit his little "bother." So sweet little Space Cadet was OVERFLOWING with clothes!
Now Space Cadet (#3) weighs a bit more than Too Cool (#2) so BOTH are in need of shorts because Weird Son's old ones won't fit either!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
And Weird Son (#1), well, he keeps outgrowing everything in a month's time right now!
AND, if this wasn't enough, THEN we had to have some lessons during the whole "See What Still Fits" session about why a 13-year-old needs to make sure his shirt is long enough to cover his uh... "area"...while wearing athletic shorts and why at 8.5 years old that doesn't really matter...THAT WAS A FUN TALK~which ended in Weird Son going to put on his uh...protective garment from football season!
L E T' S J U S T S A Y, it took a LONG time to get all this wrapped up, but NOW all "bothers" have outfits laid out for the trip and after my precious neighbor Renee (SHOUT OUT GIRL!) came over with an armload full of clothes from her son, we only have to buy a few pairs of shorts!
CAN I GET AN AMEN?
Happy Memorial Day Weekend everyone!!!