Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Be Yourself!

Alright!  I shared yesterday what triggered the awakening of realization that people-approval idolatry was in my heart.  

I think as humans we all deal with this our whole life long to some extent or another, but I have found in talking to others that there seems to be this POW! moment of awakening where eyes are opened, brain fog leaves, and we understand that we have been living to please others.

I can't even tell you how hard it was to publish the post from yesterday!  See, I am still in process of letting it all go...of just being real.  I found myself "worried" over who might read it and if I might offend someone, blah, blah, blah.

But, you know what?  I know the kind of ministry the Lord has called me to:  hurting people...people so wounded inside that they feel suffocated and paralyzed...people who are stuck in the pit the enemy laid for them.  I know that transparency is what it takes to climb out because transparency exposes the deep fears and condemnation!  Once exposed, God can shed His healing light and those peopel can walk out the life God has for them!  (Okay, okay...I know it is not usually as easy as it sounds because some of us have been through some ROUGH stuff along the way and if often takes time!)

In the book of James, we are told to confess our sins to one another, SO THAT we will be healed.  There IS power in confessing sin to each other.  It doesn't make us any more saved, but it does somehow help set us free from the suffocating bondage sin brings.

Oftentimes, the actions of others cause us pain, but in reality, there is to be found deep in us, a place that allows that pain to affect us.  We tend to deal with the symptoms and never get to the root.

Let God examine you and help you see if there is a root of fear or condemnation in you because when there is, you usually try to please others so they don't reject you.

One major symptom that will tell you if you are dealing with fear and condemnation as a root is perfectionism.  It still amazes me how we strive to be picture perfect in this world.  It doesn't exist.  We can never please everyone and Jesus fulfilled our perfection before the Father.

I write this openly, not only to help others on their journey, but for my boys as well.  You see, they have lived through much of this process with me.  I know I have messed up royally at times where they are concerned, and as much as this is our journal of life together, it is also my living love letter to them.  They will grow up and try to figure out things about themselves, as we all do.  They will look back on their life and seek to understand what causes them to see and do things certain ways.  I shudder because I will be largely responsible for that!  I want my sons to know the good, bad, and ugly of their momma so that maybe they can have understanding of the times I messed up!  I want them to learn from my triumphs AND my mistakes and sin.

I know many people may not agree with that either, but that's my whole point!  I am doing what God has put on my heart to do!

Boys~remember the words written on your bathroom wall growing up:  In a world where you can be anything, be yourself.  

Please forgive me for times I let you down and messed up.  When you are parents, you will realize just how "  grown-up"   you really aren't yet!  (giggle)  You will see how much growing we do as we parent our children.  It's scary stuff, but the more transparent you can be with your kids, the more grace you will find them giving you.  Thank you.


ZimboUSA Girl said...

The last two posts reflect my heart too. I am starting to realize that Jesus wants me to be a witness for Him totally with no compromise.
I am sickened by a situation from the past too and it is still affecting my son in a way.
Thank you for sharing your heart my friend.

Katie Ashcraft said...

I know we have just recently "met"... but I love the openness and vulnerability you display in your blogs. I LOVE IT!! I don't think there's woman out there that doesn't battle with these same issues at what ever degree.... you hit the nail on the head with the perfectionist stuff... I always say that I don't really care what people say about me, but my actions speak other wise and I hate that about myself, and I know the enemy is laughing. I'm so thankful to God for opening my eyes, and like you say it's not like "poof" it's all better with that understanding, it's a long long long LONNNNGGGG process to finally truly believe what God says about me is true and not the world... but i'm so grateful I'm on the right path! I love your honesty... you are not alone in this journey for sure! love ya, Katie

Mindy said...

Juls~so happy we have stayed connected, albeit through the web, but I want you to know that God has carved you into my heart. I pray for you. What a testimony you have to share! I'm so sorry that you have felt the sting too. We have to stay focused on the fact that flesh and blood is not what designs these attacks at us...the enemy wants us destroyed and uses flesh and blood to do it. One of the saddest things on earth is when those that are flesh and blood don't realize how they are being used. All we can do is intercede for them. I will pray more for your sweet boy...that God will heal that wound and fill up his void. Thank YOU for sharing YOUR heart. Dig in and get that stuff out girl. Your mess can be your ministry to others!

Mindy said...

Katie~I have been inspired by so many women and their transparency. We have to do our part to keep passing it forward. YOU will reach different people than me. Julie will reach different people than either of us. We all are a part of a giant puzzle and we need each other. We don't need pretense, we need reality! We need to expose the wiles of the enemy!