Alright! I shared yesterday what triggered the awakening of realization that people-approval idolatry was in my heart.
I think as humans we all deal with this our whole life long to some extent or another, but I have found in talking to others that there seems to be this POW! moment of awakening where eyes are opened, brain fog leaves, and we understand that we have been living to please others.
I can't even tell you how hard it was to publish the post from yesterday! See, I am still in process of letting it all go...of just being real. I found myself "worried" over who might read it and if I might offend someone, blah, blah, blah.
But, you know what? I know the kind of ministry the Lord has called me to: hurting people...people so wounded inside that they feel suffocated and paralyzed...people who are stuck in the pit the enemy laid for them. I know that transparency is what it takes to climb out because transparency exposes the deep fears and condemnation! Once exposed, God can shed His healing light and those peopel can walk out the life God has for them! (Okay, okay...I know it is not usually as easy as it sounds because some of us have been through some ROUGH stuff along the way and if often takes time!)
In the book of James, we are told to confess our sins to one another, SO THAT we will be healed. There IS power in confessing sin to each other. It doesn't make us any more saved, but it does somehow help set us free from the suffocating bondage sin brings.
Oftentimes, the actions of others cause us pain, but in reality, there is to be found deep in us, a place that allows that pain to affect us. We tend to deal with the symptoms and never get to the root.
Let God examine you and help you see if there is a root of fear or condemnation in you because when there is, you usually try to please others so they don't reject you.
One major symptom that will tell you if you are dealing with fear and condemnation as a root is perfectionism. It still amazes me how we strive to be picture perfect in this world. It doesn't exist. We can never please everyone and Jesus fulfilled our perfection before the Father.
I write this openly, not only to help others on their journey, but for my boys as well. You see, they have lived through much of this process with me. I know I have messed up royally at times where they are concerned, and as much as this is our journal of life together, it is also my living love letter to them. They will grow up and try to figure out things about themselves, as we all do. They will look back on their life and seek to understand what causes them to see and do things certain ways. I shudder because I will be largely responsible for that! I want my sons to know the good, bad, and ugly of their momma so that maybe they can have understanding of the times I messed up! I want them to learn from my triumphs AND my mistakes and sin.
I know many people may not agree with that either, but that's my whole point! I am doing what God has put on my heart to do!
Boys~remember the words written on your bathroom wall growing up: In a world where you can be anything, be yourself.
Please forgive me for times I let you down and messed up. When you are parents, you will realize just how " grown-up" you really aren't yet! (giggle) You will see how much growing we do as we parent our children. It's scary stuff, but the more transparent you can be with your kids, the more grace you will find them giving you. Thank you.